My house could be carpeted
instead of tiled and laminated.
All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture,
and cars would be free of hair.
When the doorbell rings,
it wouldn't sound like a kennel.
When the doorbell rings, I could get to
the door without wading through fuzzy
bodies who beat me there.
I could sit on the couch and my bed the way
I wanted, without taking into consideration
how much space several fur bodies would
need to get comfortable.
I would have money and no guilt to go on a
real vacation. I would not be on a first-name
basis with 6 veterinarians, as I put their yet
unborn grand kids through college.
The most used words in my vocabulary would not be:
out, sit, down, come, no, stay, and leave it ALONE.
My house would not be cordoned off
into zones with baby gates or barriers.
I would not talk 'baby talk'. 'Eat your din'.
'Yummy yummy for the tummy'...
My house would not look like a day
care center, toys everywhere.
My pockets would not contain things like
poop bags, treats and an extra leash.
I would no longer have to spell the words
B-A-L-L,, W-A-L-K,, T-R-E-A-T,,
O-U-T,, G-O,, R-I-D-E,, C-O-O-K-I-E
I would not have as many
leaves INSIDE my house as outside.
I would not look strangely at people who think having
ONE dog/cat ties them down too much.
I'd look forward to spring and the rainy
season instead of dreading 'mud' season.
I would not have to answer the question...
'Why do you have so many animals?' from people who will never have the joy in
their lives of knowing they are loved
unconditionally by someone as close
to an ANGEL as they will ever get.
Polar Bear: I come in Peace Norbert Rosing's striking images of a wild polar bear coming upon
tethered sled dogs in thewilds of Canada 's Hudson Bay .
The photographer was sure that he was going to see the end of his dogs when the polar bear wandered in.
It's hard to believe that this polar bear only needed to hug someone!
The Polar Bear returned every night that week to play with the dogs. May you always have love to share,
Health to spare,And friends that care
I just loved this........ ........... .... AT 120 DEGREES IN AUSTRALIA , IT WAS SO HOT FOR A WEEK THAT KOALAS WERE ASKING PEOPLE FOR WATER. IT'S NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE.
ONE WENT TO A HOUSE TO TRY TO HIDE FROM THE HEAT AND TO GET A BIT OF SHADE AND HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE OWNER GAVE HIM SOMETHING TO DRINK. IT'S REALLY CUTE.
"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly..
14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
12. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
13. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
14. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. < /SPAN>
Greetings fellow animal lovers! I write much regarding my cat-buds; "The Great Catsby" and "Puff Kitty"...so Teresa wants equal time for DOGS! (and so does my bow-wow, "Bob Barker"...:-) So THANK YOU Ms. T for sending the below! (It's a great read, but you gotta supply your own KLEENIX!...:-)
I Am Your Dog
i am your dogI am your dog, and I have a little something I'd like to whisper in your ear. I know that you humans lead busy lives. Some have to work, some have children to raise. It always seems like you are running here and running there, often much too fast, often never noticing the truly grand things in life.
Look down at me now, while you sit there at your computer. See the way my dark brown eyes look at yours? They are slightly cloudy now. That comes with age. The gray hairs are beginning to ring my soft muzzle. You smile at me; I see love in your eyes. What do you see in mine? Do you see a spirit? A soul inside, who loves you as no other could in the world? A spirit that would forgive all trespasses of prior wrong doing for just a simple moment of your time?
That is all I ask. To slow down, if even for a few minutes, to be with me. So many times you have been saddened by the words you read on that screen, of others of my kind, passing. Sometimes we die young and oh so quickly, sometimes so suddenly it wrenches your heart out of your throat. Sometimes, we age so slowly before your eyes that you may not even seem to know until the very end, when we look at you with grizzled muzzles and cataract clouded eyes. Still the love is always there, even when we must take that long sleep, to run free in a distant land.
I may not be here tomorrow; I may not be here next week. Someday you will shed the water from your eyes, that humans have when deep grief fills their souls, and you will be angry at yourself that you did not have just "one more day" with me.
Because I love you so, your sorrow touches my spirit and grieves me. We have NOW, together. So come, sit down here next to me on the floor, and look deep into my eyes. What do you see? If you look hard and deep enough we will talk, you and I, heart to heart. Come to me not as "alpha" or as "trainer" or even "Mom or Dad". Come to me as a living soul and stroke my fur and let us look deep into one another's eyes and talk. I may tell you something about the fun of chasing a tennis ball, or I may tell you something profound about myself, or even life in general. You decided to have me in your life because you wanted a soul to share such things with. Someone very different from you, and here I am.
I am a dog, but I am alive. I feel emotion, I feel physical senses, and I can revel in the differences of our spirits and souls. I do not think of you as a "dog on two feet" – I know what you are and who you are. You are human, in all your quirkiness, and I love you still.
Now, come sit with me, on the floor. Enter my world, and let time slow down if only for 15 minutes. Look deep into my eyes, and whisper into my ears. Speak with your heart, with your joy, and I will know your true self. We may not have tomorrow, but we do have today, and life is oh so very short. So please . . . come sit with me now and let us share these precious moments we have together.
Love, on behalf of canines everywhere,
Your Dog
Granted, I'm the 'man whose voice scientifically SPEEDS UP the WORKDAY" - but the ENTIRE YEAR? I'm only now getting used to writing 20 - 11 on my checks (then again, hard to write when they're BOUNCING so...:-)...! And here we are on the verge of the Holiday season.
Speaking of which; WHY the waste of time every year to "Pardon the White House Turkey"?!? Just ONCE...OK - kidding, I'm a real animal lover...and Real Turkey...
Then again, when Obama does pardon the turkey - Fox News will accuse him of being SOFT ON POULTRY!...:-)
This has been around afew times but does'nt it bring back memories or makes you feel "old" if it brought back memories?
.
How's This For Nostalgia?All the girls had ugly gym uniforms? And wore tennis shoes not $200 Nike's!
It took three minutes for the TV to warm up?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?
Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?
They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed... and they did it!
When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
Lying on your back in the grass with your friends.. and saying things like, 'That cloud looks like a... '?Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?
Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger...
And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today.
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home?
Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
And our summers were filled with bike rides, Hula Hoops, and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yeah, I remember that'?
I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a Double Dog Dare to pass it on.. To remember what a Double Dog Dare is, read on... And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.
Send this on to someone who can still remember Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell , Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.
How Many Of These Do You Remember?
Candy cigarettes...
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside...
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles...
Coffee shops with Table Side Jukeboxes...
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum...
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers...
Newsreels before the movie...
Telephone numbers with a word prefix...( Yukon 2-601). Party lines...
Peashooters...
Hi-Fi's & 45 RPM records...
78 RPM records...
Green Stamps...
Mimeograph paper...
The Fort Apache Play Set...Do You Remember a Time When Decisions were made by going...
'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, 'Do Over!'?
'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching The Fireflies Could Happily Occupy An Entire Evening?
It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best
Friends'...
Having a Weapon in School meant being caught with a Slingshot?
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?
'Oly-oly-oxen-free' made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?
The Worst Embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
War was a card game?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
If you can remember most or all of these, Then You Have Lived!!!!!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their 'Grown-Up' Life...
I Double-Dog-Dare-Ya!
Aside from the news that âDear Leader Kim Jong Illâ wanted Eric Clapton for a North Korean Communist-a-poolazah (take Ted Nugent â please!â¦:-) â I can only follow THAT with some of my favorite images from 2010! Enjoy!
As a dog lover â BEWARE!Â
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No Explanation Needed!Â
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I laughed until I cried when I saw this! Thanks to Catz LOL!Â
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And finally, a tacky image of me (looking like James Bond meets Rick Springfield) and my wife (looking at me funny, as usual) beside our tree, wishing you and yours a Happy Holiday and GREAT 2011!
You know the old saying; Want to make God laugh? Just make some plans...:-)
RE: MY 'plans'...In radio, one only gets 10 days (in-a-row) off if they're:
* Unemployed
* Dead
* All of the Above
...So, imagine my happy surprise at being told 'TAKE TEN DAYS OFF" (without the being fired / dead part!)...Would get into all the exciting plans my family and I made. Visions of Beach Blanket Bingo with the wife, surf, sun...and a call on the hotline exactly one hour before the 'freedom fest' began. I could tell by the first breath my wife drew (been married long Wills?...:-) that 'Houston - we have a problem!'
Indeed.
My 88 year old father (a Pearl harbor vet no less) had gone into a coma, was in ICU - and nobody knew how to contact us.
Also, nobody knew if his pets were starving or worse.
To the BATMOBILE we go...blazing a trail through the night to Ala-Bummer (my home stare, I'm allowed). Father, eventually better and finally out of the hospital. Pets? Well, aside from being a bit hungry and BEWILDERED...were Okie-Dokie. My brother (complete with his tumors!) somehow made it down there from Oregon. And my uncles (even older than my dad - all WW2 combat vets, you can't kill these guys off!) were glad to see us as they had bore the brunt of this drama for those intervening days.
As I see it; there's two ways to look at this. Either complain that my great swath of idle time was a big hoax from the universe - or - be Thankful that as FATE would have it, that free time was already in the chute - at just the RIGHT TIME!
On the other hand, next Thanksgiving - I'll 'PLAN' on changing all the cat boxes, plough the lower 40, and working some 30 hour days!
